So, I'm learning to love life.(:

It may be so hard you guys, but really, you should try to be happy. (: Life will be a b*tch sometimes, but the funnest thing about life is to live with life bein' hard, and making the sad times into the times that are so fun you'll never forget. So I learned how to make this ah-mazing little rice mask today, which moisturized my skin and exfoliated my pores. I felt so refreshed afterwords, so I thought I'd share how I did it with you guys!:D

How to make a rice mask:
You will need: Rice, A bowl of water, a chopstick, scissors, a paper towl, and a clean face.
1.) Pour 1/2 cup of rice into a small bowl.
2.) Fill the bowl and completely cover the rice with water.
3.) The rice may stick together after the water is poured, so stir it around with a chopstick until the rice is loose.
4.) Take a paper towl, and cut it into a mask. (leave a hole for eyes, and mouth.)
5.) Fold the mask into a square, and put it into the bowl of rice and water.
6.) Leave it there for 10-15 minutes. In the mean time, you should go wash your face.
7.) Take the mask out of the water, wait until it stops dripping, and carefully to not tear it, unfold the mask.
8.) Put the mask on your face and leave it there for 20-30 minutes.
9.) When its been about 20-30 minutes, take the mask off and wash your face.
Your skin should feel relieved, soft, and glowing.
Hope this helped, and good luck. :D

Sooner or later, we'll be looking back on everything and laugh about it like we knew what was happening.

People say your strong when your holding on. Thats absolutely wrong. You are your strongest when you Let Go. I can't believe how stupid I've been. I only plan to walk the face of the earth ONCE. Not twice; so I want to learn to live without any regrets, and to live without HAVING to love. The word Love is so overrated. You need to focus on the ones who are close to you, and ignore the haters. Be yourself- do everything that I didn't. I'm wishing that one day my dreams will come true, but until then I have to live so hard it feels like I'm dying. So whatever happens in the future- whatever has happened in the past is nothing compared to what is happening right now. I've made so many silly mistakes, but most of all living without a purpose is the worst. You have to put everything behind you, and whatever people say about you is useless. The ones who are important to you, won't care. Your friends know you, your family knows you so does it really matter what other people say? People are just like slinkies. They can hear so many good things about you, and think your a great person. But if they hear ONE bad thing, they will turn the world on you. Your important friends are the ones who are always there, and the others, they just aren't important if they care about the stupidest things.

As Dr. Suess said, "Be yourself. The ones who care don't matter, and the ones who matter don't care." How true is that? So today, I want to challenge you to put yesterday behind you. You don't have to figure today out, but think about what your doing right NOW. Not in 1 minute, not in an hour, not in 7 hours or anything else! Think about what's happening RIGHT now and how you can make the most of it. Playing in the rain is WORTH catching colds. Because Sooner or Later we are going to realize what we did wrong, but you can't spend every waking hour thinking about what you did wrong, what you could've said, what you should've been. This is the future. This is what we've been living for. Chase your dreams, ignore the haters. Don't doubt yourself, you DON'T need to think twice. Find a reason to smile! Don't let ANYTHING bring you down. I'm not perfect, your not perfect, no one is perfect. I'm clumsy, insecure, scared of the world, and I have to learn the hard way most the time. But you know what? Thats okay! Because darling, Thats Just Me. So how far is it until we reach the place we're aiming at? It doesn't matter as long as you go the route that you admire. I don't think we need a map to get to the place of our hopes.

So today, I want you to start your new life. You don't need to be like the models in the magazines. Its alright to have 2 bags of chips! Drink a 2 liter bottle of soda sometime! Go to Shipley's Donuts and get your favorite kind, and don't be afraid to eat it. Being perfect is so overrated, but being yourself is NEVER outdated. So how far away is it? Its not. Its your life- so if you work your hardest I will to. I promise.

I SWEAR THIS TIME I MEAN IT. (:

Hey christine, You have permission to hit me as hard as you want. xD

I am right- I swear I'm right; swear I knew it all along.

I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw you self;

My hope dangles on a string; like slow spinning redemption.

So what now? All the countless days I've worked so hard on to become a singer are wasted. When one thing screws up your life, what do you do? I've been hiding how hurt I am. Laughing when I should've been crying. Smiling when I know I don't deserve a ray of happiness.

And Now the people I care about don't even know me; and its all my fault.

I just need a second chance. I've screwed up my life so early on, the only thing I could do to fix it is leave and never come back. Haha, like thats ever going to happen. My dad's job is better than ever now, and my mom is finally happy. I shouldn't let my selfishness get in the way of their happiness; but I don't know how much longer I can do this.

I'm outdated, overrated. Morning seems so far away.

So I'll sing- a melody. And hope to god he's listening;

sleeping softly while I sing.

What's left of me? Nothing. I've changed, I'm a monster.

-Colette Spayde-

Hey, Christine; I don't understand. Why is this happening? I think I finally realize what love is; but I'm too scared to try to understand it.

As I burn another page, as I look the other way; I still try to find my place; in the Diary of Jane.

What does it take? What would you do if flashing before your eyes was the biggest mistake you've ever made? I'm heartbroken- truly I am. Of course I don't act like it on the outside. I have to hide it from the ones who love me.

why?  I've completely forgotten how to love. meetings will come someday with the beginning of parting; somehow, I have decided upon that idea.

And now, where I am I have no idea what to do. I can't cry, because my tears go right through my hands. 

I can't speak my feelings aloud, because there is no where to start.

I can't let my spirit die, because there is no one there to bury it.

When I let go of you, I let go of everything. I blame myself, for how stupid I've been.

Never make someone your everything, because when they're gone you've got nothing.  

So for now on, as I'm slowly fading away I think of how it should be. How it COULD'VE been. What everything

would have been like if I had never let go.

I'd die for anyone; What have I become?

For now; deep inside I cry. Not because I want to, oh god no, but because thats just what happens

when your slowly dying away. Yes, your friends are there but what can you tell them?

How much can the human mind understand? And will they stand there and listen? They don't want to.

No matter what anyone says; they shan't waste their time on me.

What's left to listen to? Nothing, she says. What have I become. A monster. 

With the big fake smiles and stupid lies, while deep inside I'm bleeding.

Hey, Christine. What's left of me now? I'm out dated. I've been beaten. The people who I thought were

everything now are nothing. Christine, what do I do?

On my own; I feel so all alone. Now I know its true; I'm still in love with you.

I've already been outdated, so overrated. But, what happens when you give up on something 10 years ago you had no intentions of letting go? What happens when your life doesn't need you anymore, or if the rain never touched the ground. What would happen if our hearts didn't beat, our mouths couldn't speak, our ears couldn't hear, and our eyes just couldn't see true beauty? I need a miracle right now. If I had ONE wish right now, I'd wish I could just see you, in person. Right now. They have all given up, I took EVERYTHING for granted. I wished on too many stars, I lent my heart out to too many people. I got stepped on, I got mistreated. We didn't think, we didn't need to at the time. So now, what can I do. Do I really care? Do I WANT TO? Do I need to... I'll be blunt. I'm still in love with you. I'm sorry. I just laugh when I see you with her. Has it been a week? One week. That was all the time you needed to find a substitute of me. I've been outdated, Colette no more. But please, tell me something. Can I just ask you one question? One thing that has been haunting my mind- I just need to know. When you see Her, do you think of me?

Hey, Christine, how's life back in the normal world? Tell me, christine- how are you? Tell me, are you smiling right now?

Can a candle flame still melt my trembling heart?

The lantern died that night, but we didn't need to see.

He gave me a heart attack- just because he looked so adorable.

Ill confess, he's all I can think about. Why do I like him?! Don't I have a boyfriend? Uhm, lets just keep this between you and me. I'd never betray Bryce, but, really...ahemm, I would never cheat. But why can't I tell myself that I like him? Gawd, love sucks. Maybe this'll be all over with after February, (as Tina T calls it, the Looove Month(: ) I know, I know, Colette, REALLY?! You have Bryce! He's more than anyone can ever ask for. But lets face it. He's all I can think about... Bryce, I love youu, but you'll probably never even see this.

I'm at least allowed to be his friend, right? Bryce doesn't get jealous...right? Nahh, I've known him for 4 years! Why can't I do this? I know I'm only 13, and not ready for any kind of love yet, but why do I feel this way? My heart knows who my love is. Bryce. But why does it think he is my love? Because my head knows I like him? Why can't I just...KNOW. So this guy I know, is ah-mazing. I saw him today, in fact. I know he doesn't like me, or at least I think he doesn't. He knows we are just friends... but I don't know how long I can stay 'just friends.' I made a promise...or at least I remember I did. And I'll forget the world that I knew, but I swear I won't forget you.

We put our sunblock on, gazed at the clouds and vowed that we'd live and we'd learn, but he got a tan and I got a sunburn.

Hey Christine, how do you feel about this? What would you say? Are you proud..?

You'll always find your way back home.

Yes, I know most of you know my dislike for Hannah Montana. But a lot of her songs are very touching. LMAO. But seriously! After going through a hard day I realize that tons of people have the same problems I do, and god is on my side for everything.
So I went to a musical last night, (42nd Street at Memorial HS) and saw my cousin Elaine perform, and she did a good job at it. It made me realize what to strive for in life, and it made me want to run my dreams down and catch them and live them.
Its 12:40PM and I'm a total mess. I haven't taken a shower, or changed clothes, or made my bed. I didn't even complete my to-do list for yesterday. I plan on this summer, and for 2010, to be my year to write an album. I know, your saying, "wtf." but seriously! If I want to be a singer, I should start somewhere, and writing an unofficial album seems like the place to go. I've written my 1st song during summer last year, (its all the time I had) and its about a Lost Butterfly, but it finally finds its way home. I've been planning another song called XOX. This song basically describes my life, and how hard its been to deal with drama and friends and everything else thats been going on. Who know, one day if I sell that song it could make me millions of dollars, and i'd be livin' it up. XD I don't want my album to have a theme, (Listen, I'm not THAT OCD.) But if an album has a theme, is it really coming from your heart? Or are you just fitting it in there to match the rest.
(Hidden meaning intended.)
xoxo
colly(:

P.S. Hey christine, I just wanted to say don't give up, just yet. (: xoxo, Colette.